perception, and other thoughts

perception, and other thoughts

Sometimes you spend your whole life dreaming of a thing for so long that it becomes real. It’s tangible. It’s like an aftertaste of a bitter food, it’s in the back of your mind as you go about your day. You may not think about it consciously, but it is a hope for yourself. Slowly, this dream becomes real. It becomes real to you, singularly.

A topic on my mind recently is perception. In character, art, even visuals perception is key. That’s what makes it all interesting, isn’t it? Some artists say that a work is never fully complete until an audience has reacted to it and added to it, making it new and perceiving it. From the same piece of work, thousands of messages can come out of it. Perception of a work, of a person, of importance. It’s how we view and interpret the world.

John Thomas said, “You are what you perceive.” In terms of thoughts, I think this works. You are your thoughts, which become your actions, ect. You think pure thoughts, you are pure. You then act pure. You are your thoughts, which is true enough.

But the idea of “I am.” That’s harder. What is true about me is different depending on how you perceive it. How can you say you are anything? How can you know? We contain multitudes. (Walt Whitman). We cannot be limited. We change everyday. I can’t get a grasp on the sameness, on the “I am.”

I’ve perceived something to be true for so long, it’s a shock that my taste buds failed to pick up on. I can’t get a grasp for the truth.

That’s all for me right now. Thanks for reading. ❤

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so then she became a woman

so then she became a woman

she came in from
mountaintops and thunderstorms
on top of glory
of journeys by merry-go-round
of castle-like doll house
of sweet dreams made of cotton candy
of girlhood.
so then armed with her fairies
and her day dreams
and her feathers
so then she became a woman
she was given fantasy for her battle
as men were given trucks
and toy muscles that told them they ruled the world
preparation for the day to day
as we were given light
to think of at our day jobs.
so then she became a woman
and she chased the wonderland
conquered the highlands
took her fairies and feathers
cursed the ground she walked on
and ate of the cotton candy clouds
she once walked upon.

inflections

inflections

she’s tied to your wrist
like a balloon picking you up and over
you reek of her
like if you looked in a double sided mirror
She would be your shadow.
no doubt,
she’s in and out of you.
“I love her so much.”
you’re inflicted in her smile.
like if you imprinted just enough to leave a permanent mark
and become birthmarks
after birth.
like if you were waiting for a harmony
here she is.
inflections plucked out of time and souls.
She is the starlight to you eye.
stella.
like if you lasted a little while longer
time would dream away just for you.

portrait

portrait

you could paint my portrait but would it picture me?
look at you
cast under lime lights
no prose
no troupe
no rose
the curtains unveiled
it’s revealed to me
in you.
weren’t you a midnight prayer
testing my soft heart?
Weren’t you a debtor to my art?
A credit from where I start?
no more than a picture born
to heal my pain
had you sat down and cried,
had you wept, had you lain?
no more than a mirror in vain,
no,
I had you made up in my mind
every one of your kind
beneath shining eyes lie more to find
beneath skin and bones intertwined
you, my selfish mastermind.
Oh you.
You always said you could paint
my portrait
who were you seeing?

raw

raw

life with a cloud acts as a dream

maybe the lights are dimmer and

the ground from under you seems to shrink.

life with a cloud is black at 2 am

when you’re rubbed raw

nigredo 

waiting for a grey cloud to clear 

a cloud lying incognito to outsider ears.

instead of a heart, you’ve got lead 

nothing touches you

numb 

a day is forever at all, years are as fleeting as a dark waking dream

life with a cloud blurs reality 

until all you are is lying in a stranger’s bed, waiting for a change

seeming to float.

the descent into a cloud is lighter than 

you may think you’re thick and unscathed,

but your skin is being rubbed raw,

cuts you didn’t know you had

sting. 

things you wouldn’t fight against

you suddenly find all around you,

Sleeve rubbing the raw skin with fleshy pain

earthy.

and at the worst of it all, 

when the cloud takes your eyes,

daylight to my dark,

it will flood.

white white tiles on me on bright fluorescent

oh, the water comes. 

the water comes rushing in.

it’s a moon behind the cloud.

watch closely 

it washes your raw, your hurt 

and hurt

and hurt over hurt 

underwater you thought you’d drown 

but at least you can feel again, you’re found

watch, at first it will sting,

wounds too long gone dirt. 

oh the floods break.

droplets in your new eyes,

a little too bright, but you’ll adjust

dilate,

you’ll adjust. 

long resented, long repented

this is arrival. 

learn to show your raw

your let loose,

bare and vulnerable

let them gasp

let the water come

and in the lilies 

in the white of the basking sun,

raw.

you will feel loose in your new skin,

too bright,

too pure,

too raw. 

let your life with a cloud melt away. 

on the ground

you’re out of a haze

blazing red labyrinth

maze of your mind free to be navigated, told and tell

this will be life.

phoenix to the fire

you, you are rising.

ruby of my minds eye

red.

raw was a resolution 

to your fire.

don’t take another heart,

ruby red,

aren’t you sanctified?

you’re a fire, you’re a passion

lights up ruddy against it all

in the daybreak

you’ll draw blood

and not look back.

not to say,

that there won’t be pain

but let it serve as a sweet reminder

of how much you’ve survived. 

a taste of tongue 

burning

yet warm.

hear your own voice

hoarse

 all up loud n life

hear it

breaking up to tell your

raw. 

it’s not finished, nor will it ever be.

oh no love,

you’re not alone.

empowering quotes

empowering quotes

here are some of my favorite quotes.

Your silence will not protect you. -Audre Lorde

I’ve put up with too much, too long. And now I’m just too intelligent, too powerful, too beautiful, too sure of who I finally am to deserve anything less. -Sandra Cisneros

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? -Frida Kahlo

They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds. -Unknown

The beginning of purpose is found in creating something only you understand. -Tyler Joseph

I hope this post finds you well. ♥

for you

for you

girl:

you are not made to be admired

made to be filled

made to be cheeks pinched

rosy red

made to be ladylike pretty perfect

made up

looked down.

girl:

you are not made to be filled

not waiting on him

not needing your other half

cause girl

you are complete.

girl:

not your baby doll,

not your looking good,

not yours to talk down

not yours to make up

not yours to take 

break,

not yours.

girl,

you are all your own.